Monday, December 17, 2012

Different Kinds of Managers


     Just like potato chips, no two managers are alike. Although I’ve been in retail for a while, I’ve only had a handful of managers due to the fact that I’ve stuck around at the same few jobs for a while. Despite that though, I still have seen enough of the managerial world to share some of the people I’ve had the “honor” of working for.

The Hard Ass Manager
     
     Don’t F with this guy. Akin to a drill instructor, the hard ass manager wants things done perfectly, on time, and with absolutely no excuses.  The hard ass lives for work, so much so that he’ll bring his pre-teen daughters in to work with you for free.  (Yes, that has seriously happened to me before). If a customer complains to the hard ass and drops your name, you better hide in the back of house until the storm blows over, because if the hard ass catches you making one mistake, your ass is grass.

The I Want to be Your Friend but I’m Still Your Manager, Manager
     
     This manager is incredibly frustrating. One second she’s telling you about her wild vacation in Vegas, the next she’s chewing you out for not selling enough promotional items.  She can be incredibly nice and sweet, but really this manager is trying to save her own ass, and since she is under so much stress to do so, she’ll take all of her frustrations out on you. It’s like working for your mom; only she’s a lot more bipolar than your mom is.

The I Care Just as Little About this Job as You Do Manager
    
     This manager feigns authority. The only time they care about the job is when the district manager is coming in to visit. When that happens, they’ll run around like a headless chicken. When that’s not happening though, they’ll make fun of customers with you while you both sit on the counter. This is the manager you actually hang out with after work, but not too often, because that would be, you know, sort of weird.

The Foreign Manager
     
     When asking for direction from the foreign manager, you pick out key words in order to get the jist of what they want you to do. The culture clash that comes with working with a foreign manager can be rather jarring, especially when you’re doing something perfectly normal in America that can be perceived as insulting on another continent. However, sometimes they can be as sweet as your grandparents. Think of the “I want to be your friend manager,” but with a thicker accent.

The I Have No Effing Clue What I’m Doing Manager
     
     This manager can be a real pain to work for. Newly promoted, and in dire need to prove their new authority, this manager will ask you to do one thing, and then tell you to do another 3 minutes later. They leave the store open when its supposed to have closed, they walk out without setting the alarm, and they yell out orders into the walkie like they’re calling 911 about a house fire. You know you can do a better job than them, and you know that shit rolls down hill, so you do your best to work behind the scenes and get the real job done so that hopefully, you can leave only an hour later than you were supposed to, instead of 2.

The Hot/Cool Manager
    
     The hot manager is a blast to work for. You actively seek direction from them, because that’s an extra 30 seconds that they’re actually talking to you. Typically as cool and down to earth as you are, everyone drools over the hot manager, with competitions and wagers starting up to see who will be the first to get into their pants.  Typically, the hot manager is under so much stress and in need of relief from work that someone will in fact get into their pants, so it’s all a matter of who tries the hardest.  Just be careful though. The proverbial “don’t shit where you eat” rings true for the hot manager, especially if things go sour.

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