Ok, not really. But, I did meet Paula Abdul once. When I was
a teenager, I worked at a Swiss chocolate store in the mall near where I
live. Since I was a typical
teenager with the typical angst, most of my time was spent sitting on the
counter reading comic books when my manager wasn’t around. I also used to hook
up an iPod and play my own music through the store’s sound system, so while you
were shopping for chocolate bars, you could have enjoyed the smooth serenade of
Metallica or Iron Maiden. Needless to say I didn’t have much empathy for this
place.
One typical afternoon while I was working, as I ring up this
lady, she tells me that Paula Abdul is in the mall. Showing some genuine
curiosity, I ask her where and why. Not knowing why, she tells me she saw her
go into the H & M store, which just so happened to have been located a
stones throw away from where I worked.
I thanked her for the information, and as she left, I contemplated going
to see Paula.
Despite working in the second largest mall in the United
States, rarely did I get the opportunity to see any celebrities. I think I walked by the great baseball
manager Joe Torre one time on the way to the bathroom, and I definitely saw a
former contestant from the show “Survivor” go up an escalator while I was going
down, but other than that, I’d never had the opportunity to meet a celebrity
while I was working.
With “carpe diem” running through my mind, I grabbed a pen
and a piece of paper, took off my apron (my uniform), and briskly walked out of
the door and closed the gate. Now, later on down the road I would be promoted
to shift supervisor (believe it or not), and would be given keys so that I
could lock and unlock the front gate to the store. However, this was well after
my meeting with Paula. The guy who did have the keys was out walking around
somewhere because he hated working at the chocolate store more than I did, and
I knew that if I waited too long for him to come back, I’d miss my chance at
scoring an autograph. So, in my teenage naiveté, I figured as long as the gate
looked like it was locked, and I left a note, then no one would walk into the
store. Right?
So I walked down to H & M, and much to my disappointment,
Paula had left. But alas, I would not give up that easily. I walked in and
asked an employee if they knew where Paula had went. After informing me that
she overheard her and her posse talking about Sephora, I quickly walked out of
H & M, and power walked down to the makeup store, which was, conveniently
enough, also a stones throw away from where I worked.
As I got closer to Sephora, I saw a big guy standing out
front, whom I assumed had to be some sort of body guard. So I stood and waited.
As I was waiting, I stuck my hands in my pockets and, to my horror, I realized
that I still had a box cutter in my pocket from when I was putting out
freight. Just great. The last
thing I needed was for Paula’s bodyguard to frisk me or something when I asked
her for an autograph. “Chocolate Store Employee Rushes American Idol Judge with
Box Cutter” would not have been an ideal way to gain fame.
As I contemplated chucking the box cutter in the trash,
Paula walked out of Sephora with her posse, and started heading down the
hallway. I figured it was now or never.
I walked up to her saying, “Paula! Paula!” God I felt like a
14-year-old girl. Everyone turned around. “Hey! Can I get an autograph?”
I shoved the pen and paper into her face. “Sure honey.”
“You can use my back to sign it,” was what I said next. This
must’ve been what Justin Bieber goes through every day.
“No, that’s ok, I’ll use the wall.” As she signed the paper
against the wall, I figured that instead of just standing there like an idiot
in front of her friends, I should at least try and make some sort of
conversation.
“Hey Paula,” I said, “I work at a chocolate store down the hallway.
You should stop by. I’ll give you a discount!” Now I was pandering to the upper
class. Wonderful.
“Aw, that’s so sweet honey, but I’m trying to avoid sweets.”
“Ah, ok, well that’s cool.” She handed me my pen and the
paper with the signature on it. “Hey thanks Paula!”
“You’re welcome sweetie.” And then she walked off with her
posse into the sunset. Really they probably just walked down to the Abercrombie
store, but it sounds cooler that way.
I looked down at the piece of paper. Lots of love and hugs, Paula Abdul.
It looked like a four year old scribbled it. I’m pretty sure
back then the rumor was that she was an alcoholic on pain meds.
And no, I didn’t get in trouble for leaving the store
unlocked. We didn’t have cameras.
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